Lost Without You
by Yasha-Inu
Summary: My eyes widened, my heart started to beat faster, my hand dropped to my side, and I felt my mouth go dry. ' My take on what Cloud should've done at the end of Advent Children when he saw Zack and Aeris. Slight Clack.
1. Cloud's POV

**Yasha: **Alright, so, this was inspired by multiple depressing Clack vids, and the ending of FFVII Advent Children.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own FFVII. None of it! If I did, Zack wouldn't have died and him and Cloud would've been together.

* * *

As I looked around the old church, I couldn't really focus on any one thing. I saw the children, their parents, and all my friends. Well...not _all _of them...two - no, three - were missing. And they had been for too long, never to come back. Yuffie, Cid, Vincent, Tifa, Barret, Cait Sith, Red XIII, and Marlene were standing on the edge of the floor while Denzel was in the water along with me and the other children.

I didn't hear what was going on. I was too busy stuck in my mind on the 'what if's' and 'why's' to listen to the children cheer happily at being cured. It was Aeris' work, so I don't see why some thought it was _my _doing. I looked away from my group of friends sadly. It was _always _someone else's doing that saved everyone.

Alright, so, I killed Bahamuth Sin, and Sephiroth...again. But, I didn't do it alone. I had their help. Their support. My heart throbbed in pain and I brought my hand up to clench my shirt where my heart was. Because of Sephiroth, two of my friends died. And I ended up killing him. That time, I'll admit it was _my_ fault.

I ignored the concerned looks I got as I continued to look around the old, abandoned church that used to have Aeris' flower garden in it. The place where I used to sleep. The pond of water that I was in with the children was where her garden used to be. The only place in Midgar under the plate where flowers would grow. I think it's because Aeris was an Ancient. She could talk to the planet. But, others didn't believe me... Said I sounded insane..

Who wouldn't be after seeing three of their friends die? I honestly wanted to ask them that. Something had held me back; I didn't let people see the sadness I held inside. No one really knew the whole pain caused by their deaths. And no one ever would.

Does that make me sound selfish? I wonder...what would it have been like if Sephiroth didn't defect? Would Zack have died about five years later? What about Aeris? Would she have died? If neither of them had died, would they have still been together? If not, would Zack... I shook my head, not wanting to go there. Not wanting to make the pain worse. Not wanting to relive their deaths anymore than I already did.

My gaze swept past the front door of the church and I was almost back to my friends, but what I had saw at the door caught up to my brain and my head whipped back so I could look again.

My eyes widened, my heart started to beat faster, my hand dropped to my side, and I felt my mouth go dry. I was just seeing things, right...? There wasn't any possible way that Zack was there, leaning against the door frame, was there? And Aeris! I saw Sephiroth stab her! She couldn't be making her way back to Zack, could she..?

Without thinking about it any longer, I took off running towards them, ignoring the pain I felt in my heart as I hoped that I wasn't just seeing things. I didn't hear the concerned cries from everyone. I had only one thing in mind. And that was getting to Zack.

I jumped up, out of the water, and was running towards the doors as soon as my feet hit the wooden floor. Once I was a little bit closer, I still wondered if they were real... They had to be! I couldn't stand the pain if it was just another dream.

I felt tears well up in my eyes. I had saw Zack being shot to death! How was he here now?

I threw myself at Zack once I was close enough. Much to my surprise, I collided with a solid, warm body. My arms went around his waist and I hid my face in his chest. I felt strong arms wrap around me.

"H..How...?" I asked, my voice shaking. I didn't look up at him, knowing that if I did, the tears that I was holding back would fall.

"It's been a while, huh Cloudy boy?" he asked, not answering my question. Almost as if he _wanted _to see me cry.

I pulled back anyway and looked up at him, ignoring the tears and the others that were right behind us. "But I saw you _die_!" I cried, letting go of his waist only to bring my hands up and clench the front of his shirt in them.

I bowed my head, my shoulders shaking slightly. "How are you alive..? When did you come back..? Why did you leave me alone for so long?!" I whimpered, the last question coming out almost a yell.

Zack pulled me to his chest. "I'm sorry, Chocobo..." he said, resting his head on top of mine while he held me tightly. "I can't stay for long... I was barely able to get the chance to come now..."

I pulled back, my cheeks were wet as more tears fell. "What?! Why?!" I shouted, shaking my head in disbelief.

Zack gently pried my hands loose and pushed me away softly. "I'm sorry... I've got to go now.. I don't want to..but I've _got_ to..." he apologised, walking backwards away from me.

I shook my head. "No... No! Don't leave me! Not again!" I cried, running to him. A hand on my wrist stopped me in my tracks. I tried to yank my arm free, but the grip only tightened. I looked back and Vincent shook his head.

"You can't go with him, Cloud.." he spoke wisely, yet sadly.

My legs gave out and I fell to my knees, covering my face with my hands. "Why...?" I whispered. "WHY?!"

My hands dropped from my face and I looked towards the door to where Zack was barely visible. I reached for him. "Why...Why must you leave me? Why did you come back if you were only going to leave me again?" I asked. I almost didn't recognise my own voice.

Zack stopped walking and turned to face me. "It's not like I _want_ to leave. I never wanted to in the first place. But...I'm not allowed to stay... You can't bring a dead person back to life..." He paused. "Okay...wait... That's hypocritical. 'Cause I'm here, aren't I? Hm... Let me put it this way... I was brought back, but only for so long..."

"How...long...?" I asked, trying to stand up.

"Long enough to tell you that things are alright. That you're not alone. You've never been alone." Zack said, smiling softly. "And that..."

"That what..?" I prompted, staggering towards him.

Zack waited until he could give me one last hug. "That...I'll be waiting for you. But don't go before your time comes, 'kay?" he said, ruffling my hair.

I bit my lip, trying to hold back the sobs I knew were soon to come. "Why...can't you stay? For good..?" I asked, once again but in a different way.

"The planet won't let him go, silly." a soft, twinkling voice spoke.

I looked behind Zack and saw Aeris. "But...why won't it let him go..?"

"That...not even I know.." Aeris shrugged.

"Maybe it's stubborn and it'll miss me?" Zack suggested to the two of us.

Aeris and I both whacked him on the head. "And maybe _someone_ has a large ego." I retorted.

Aeris looked over her shoulder at something I couldn't see. When she looked back, she was sad. "Sorry Cloud.. But... It's time we leave." She gave me a hug and waited for Zack.

Zack looked utterly torn between going back and staying. Finally, he sighed. "Sorry, Spikey... Just do me a favour, m'kay?" he said, ruffling my hair.

"Hm?" I asked, looking up at him. I was crushed that he had to leave.

"Die of old age, or something. Just don't kill yourself on purpose. If you do, I'll make sure to find you and kill you myself, ya hear?" Zack said, looking very threatening causing me to flinch back a bit.

I nodded and latched onto him. He let out a chuckle. "C'mon, Spikey, lemme go." he said, trying to pry me off him.

Aeris let out a sigh. "Cloud." she said sternly. I let go and looked at her like a kicked puppy. That mental image made me snicker as they left.

Before they were completely gone, I smirked. "Bye Aeris! Bye Puppy!" I faintly heard Zack let out an indignant squawk before saying, "We'll be waiting...love.."

At first, I just thought I was hearing things. But then, Yuffie spoke up, "Love?" Without turning, I nodded. "Yeah... We are...were... Lovers... Until his death..." I answered quietly, my hand gripping something hidden under my shirt.

Tifa looked shocked and didn't know what to say. Vincent took the opening and spoke, "We'll wait for you back at the bar." Without looking, I nodded and left to go visit Zack's Buster Sword. For the final time. So I could live the remaining years of my life in peace with the memories I had of him. The good _and_ the bad ones.

They were the only thing I was going to rely on from now on. That, and what I held clutched in my hand. His dog tags. He had given them to me while he had mine. It was a custom with SOLDIERs to give their dog tags to their loved one.

I'll admit that it's going to be hard to live without him, now that I've seen him since his death... But, maybe I'll move to Gongaga, his home town. Although...in doing that, I'd leave his Buster Sword behind... I guess I'll just stay here then. Until I die of natural causes.

I sat by his sword with a smile on my face, although it was tiny. "I'll come out here when it's your birthday...and mine..." I vowed quietly to Zack's sword as if it was him.

* * *

**Yasha: **So, what'd you think? Please review.


	2. Zack's POV

**Yasha: **Okay, so, there wasn't orignally going to be two parts.. But I got to talking with Kwahzutah and she made me realise that most people don't really consider _Zack's _feelings. So I decided to add Zack's POV. ;D

**Disclaimer: **I don't own FFVII. None of it. Which totally sucks 'cause there's no yaoi! -pouts-

**Dedicated to: **Kwahzutah. Thank you for pointing that out to me. -smiles-

* * *

I leaned against the doorframe at the entrance of Aeris' church that was really run down. It had gotten worse since I had last seen it. I looked at the blonde with the pretty blue eyes who stood in the center of the little pond where the last Ancient's garden used to be. I didn't listen to what the children were saying, nor what the blonde's friends were saying.

I looked at the brunette that was kneeling in front of two children who weren't in the water. Aeris caught my gaze and stood up before brushing some invisible dirt off her pink dress.

As she walked over to me, I thought back to what all the blonde had accomplished since I was killed. He had fought Sephiroth multiple times and defeated him each time and saved the world; he had saved Vincent, the ex-Turk, from spending the rest of his life in that coffin; he had protected Aeris until Sephiroth got in a cheap shot and stabbed her. Cid had built a new airship and there was Yuffie, a notorious thief, who got airsick. He had saved Tifa and that little girl, Marlene, who was Barret's daughter. That made me stop and think. He was so dark...how was his daughter so white...?

Then there was Nanaki, or Red XIII, who was from Cosmo Canyon. Cait Sith seemed to have lost the mechanical moogle he usually rest upon and now rode upon Nanaki; I don't know why, but that made me snicker. Oh, and that little boy, Denzel? Was that his name? He looked like he was doing well. Of course, who wouldn't do well with Cloudy looking after him?

Okay...so he seemed to be withdrawn and totally antisocial, but, back when he was a recruit and I was a First Class SOLDIER, he wasn't like that. He was actually pretty social once I had got him outta that shell of his! Yeah, I know, it's a shock.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the blonde, Cloud, clutch his shirt where his heart was. What's bothering you, buddy? I wanted to ask him, but I couldn't and it hurt. I watched him look around the church and stop on some things, as if he was noting something about it. I saw something flash in his eyes and I knew he didn't realise it. It got me wondering how much he hurt; how much he hid from everyone. "Oh Cloudy..." I whispered without realising it.

Aeris wasn't back at my side yet, but she chuckled softly. "Still caring, Zack?" she asked softly, stopping for a moment to stretch a little.

I nodded, my gaze still on Cloud as I saw him shake his head at something he thought and then continue looking around. He looked at us and then continued on. I couldn't help the smirk that pulled at my lips. How long would it take him to process what he saw, I wonder.

A few seconds later, his head snapped back to us as Aeris was about half a foot away from me. What can I say, she's a slow walker. Shh! Don't tell her that, or she'll have my head!

I saw his eyes widen, his hand drop to his side, and his jaw drop. I saw disbelief and shock pass through his eyes before hope settled in.

He took off running towards us, ignoring or just plain not hearing the concerned questions thrown his way. He jumped out of the water and landed on the floor before continuing to run to us.

I counted down the seconds until he would throw himself at me. I got to three before his body collided with mine.

I let out a small 'oof' before his arms went around my waist and he hid his face in my shirt. It took me a second to realise that I could hold him. Once that settled in my mind, I wrapped my arms around him gently; he felt so fragile, that if I squeezed too hard, he'd fall apart in my arms.

"H..How...?" Cloud asked with a shaking voice. I noticed he didn't look up at me, and that made my heart pang in pain.

"It's been a while, huh Cloudy boy?" I asked, avoiding his question. I couldn't give him an answer at the moment. The pain from where I hadn't been able to hold him, to comfort him, for years was almost too much for me to face.

He pulled back and looked up at me. I didn't comment on the tears that were falling or his friends that were behind him; I had comment once on his tears after a long mission that had kept us apart for the most part of a year, and he stayed mad at me for a few weeks... "But I saw you _die_!" he cried, letting go of my waist to clench the front of my shirt in his small hands. He did that almost every single time I came back from a long mission...it was one of the things he did without realising it, I guess. I just wanted to hold him for the rest of his life, but I knew that wasn't possible and it saddened me horribly.

Cloud bowed his head and I saw his shoulders start to shake a little bit. "How are you alive..? When did you come back..? Why did you leave me alone for so long?!" Cloud whimpered. I flinched slightly when the last question came out more like a yell.

I pulled him to my chest, "I'm sorry Chocobo..." I rest my head on top of his, holding him tighter. "I can't stay for long... I was barely able to get the chance to come now..."

Cloud pulled back, his cheeks were wet as more tears fell. "What?! Why?!" he practically shouted, shaking his head in what I thought to be disbelief.

I gently pried his hands loose and pushed him away gently. "I'm sorry... I've got to go now.. I don't want to..but I've _got_ to..." I apologised, walking backwards away from the blonde I cherished.

I saw him shake his head. "No... No! Don't leave me! Not again!" he cried before running towards me. A hand on Cloud's wrist stopped him in his tracks. I watched as he tried to yank his arm free, and the grip must've tightened for he didn't get his arm free. The blonde looked back and Vincent, who held his arm, shook his head.

"You can't go with him, Cloud..." Vincent spoke wisely, but a bit sadly.

I watched as my friend's legs gave out on him and he fell to his knees. He covered his face before he spoke. "Why..." he whispered. "WHY?!"

Cloud's hands dropped from his face and he looked towards the door to where I was barely visible. I had turned around, so I didn't see him reach for me. "Why...Why must you leave me? Why did you come back if you were only going to leave me again?" he asked. I almost didn't recognise Cloud's voice. I felt my heart pang again.

I stopped walking and turned to face the blonde. "It's not like I _want_ to leave. I never wanted to in the first place. But...I'm not allowed to stay... You can't bring a dead person back to life..." I paused as I mentally ran through what I had just said. "Okay...wait... That's hypocritical. 'Cause I'm here, aren't I? Hm... Let me put it this way... I was brought back, but only for so long..."

"How...long...?" Cloud asked, trying to stand up.

"Long enough to tell you that things are alright. That you're not alone. You've never been alone." I said, smiling softly at him. "And that..."

"That what..?" he prompted, staggering towards me.

I waited until I could give him a final hug. "That...I'll be waiting for you. But don't go before your time comes, 'kay?" I said, ruffling my friend's spiky hair.

I saw him bite his lip, and I instantly knew he was trying to hold back the sobs that were soon to come. "Why...can't you stay? For good..?" he asked me once again but in a different way.

"The planet won't let him go, silly." a soft, twinkling voice spoke.

Cloud looked behind me and I knew he saw Aeris, but I didn't bother to look back at her. It was pay back for her calling me a puppy a while back. "But...why won't it let him go..?"

"That...not even I know.." Aeris shrugged.

"Maybe it's stubborn and it'll miss me?" I suggested to the them, smirking slightly.

Aeris and Cloud both whacked me on the back of my head. "And maybe _someone_ has a large ego." Cloud snorted.

Aeris looked over her shoulder at something only she could see. When she looked back, she was sad. "Sorry Cloud.. But... It's time we leave." She gave Cloud a hug and waited for me, knowing that this good bye was going to hard.

I _know_ I looked utterly torn between going back and staying. Finally, I came to a decision and sighed. "Sorry, Spikey... Just do me a favour, m'kay?" I said, ruffling his hair.

"Hm?" he asked, looking up at me, his blue eyes looked sad, crushed that I had to go. I was too, but I didn't want to let him know that. I had always been the strong one between us, and I wanted to keep it that way. It was getting harder to though because I felt my eyes start to sting.

"Die of old age, or something. Just don't kill yourself on purpose. If you do, I'll make sure to find you and kill you myself, ya hear?" I said, looking very threatening causing him to flinch back a bit. I let out a small mental cheer. It's good to know that I still have it!

Cloud nodded and latched onto me. I let out a sad chuckle, although to anyone else it was a normal one. "C'mon, Spikey, lemme go." I whine, trying to pry him off.

Aeris let out a sigh. "Cloud." she said sternly. Cloud let go and looked at her like a kicked puppy. And for some reason I couldn't comprehend, he chuckled.

Before they were completely gone, he smirked. "Bye Aeris! Bye Puppy!" I let out an indignant squawk before saying, "We'll be waiting...my love..." Although it was faint to him, and he probably didn't hear the last part. At that thought, my heart got heavy and my shoulders slumped.

Unknown to him, after we had been more or less absorbed back into the life stream, I followed him. I might not have been able to help him out if he got into trouble, but it gave me some relief to be able to be there, even if I couldn't have been seen anymore. I just wished he could sense me.

I noticed he was holding something tightly in his hand; it was hidden under his shirt. My eyes widened a little once it hit me. My dog tags! I felt under my shirt for something before letting out a sigh of relief. I still had his. I would've been majorly upset if I had lost his...that, and he probably would've killed me once he joined us... Wait...if I'm already dead, can he kill me? That made me wonder and made my head start throbbing.

I cursed silently.

At the look on his face, I wondered what was going through his mind. I desperately wanted to ask him what was on his mind, but he wouldn't have heard, nor would he have answered.

Cloud sat by_ my _Buster Sword and had a smile on his face. It might've been tiny, but to me, it was huge. It was his first _real _smile for a long time, and I let out a cheer before doing a victory dance. But, suddenly, I stopped. _What _did _I _have to cheer about? It was partly _my_ fault he was upset! Although...it was _my _sword that he sat by, smiling.

"I'll come out here when it's your birthday...and mine..." he vowed quietly, as if he knew I was there.

I turned and looked at him, my eyes sad. "Oh...Chocobo...don't do that... You should get over me... Go and get yourself a lover... Just don't dwell on me anymore... Not until you're by my side..." I whispered, walking over to him and gently caressing his face.

I turned and started to go back to Aeris, who was waiting a ways away for me. But halfway there, the tears I had fought hard against since Cloud had caught sight of me started to fall and I stopped.

Aeris rushed over and pulled me to her. "Oh..Zack... Everything's going to be fine... I promise..." she whispered gently, letting me bawl my eyes out on her shoulder.

I couldn't stop the tears, no matter how hard I tried. "C'mon, Zack, cheer up. He'll be joining us soon enough so... So once you see him, you can make up for all the lost time." Aeris said softly.

At that, I started calming, but the tears still fell. I couldn't wait until he was with us – no, me. I had years to wait, but I'd be there once he was brought to us. I'd welcome him and show him around, not letting go of him for a second.

I chuckled slightly, he'd get tired of me quickly, but I'd _never _leave him. I vowed silently.

* * *

**Yasha: **So, what'd ya think? Review please!


End file.
